trees

trees

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

YET I will rejoice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7O7LQpQaoc    ** Play this song it's one of my faves





As I am in the last month of my Bible School (SBS) I have been thinking upon the change it has had on my life, how things are different and what I have learned. Upon reflection it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done yet I'm glad I've done it. I have gained truths that I can hang onto for the rest of my life; I came with questions and I'm going to leave with so many more. 

The main thing that's happened is having a huge perspective change. The simple truth of God's goodness and character is not determined by our circumstances. We still have to be faithful every day, choosing to follow God everyday. Salvation is a process and a journey and a daily decision. Sickness is bound to happen, yet we should stay faithful. We will hear teachings that sound appealing but are false yet we should still stay humble and discerning. Thinking that Christianity provides a pain-free life is not only unbiblical, it is destructive to faith and discourages people, thinking they've been abandoned by God. I cannot stress this point enough, because until this understanding and revelation is received, one will always be confused without hope at all suffering

We will experience loss, heart break, confusion, depression, anxiety, illness, joy, peace, freedom, gratitude, prosperity and love. Is the Lord any different in each season? Perhaps we need a perspective change from our own selfish desires to the wonder of the cross and the gift of eternal life. No other religion exists where God gives himself as a sacrifice for humans to atone for their selfishness and make a way for humans to be forgiven and redeemed. It is unique and selfless and doesn't logically make sense. and through that sacrifice we can 'approach the throne of grace with boldness so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need' Hebrews 4:16. I think that we have lost sight of God's holiness and the fear of the Lord has been diluted amongst the comfort of immediate gratification and distractions. I've learned that I should pray less for comfort but rather for strength and endurance in the midst of hurt. I've learned it's more about our attitude and character in situations rather than the circumstance itself. Pressure can create diamonds. Don't give up.


All of my losses have shown me that all I have is the Lord <3

But how does one apply the words of the Bible to today, I hear you say... Through this school we have to apply each book to our lives in a certain way, because that is how there is transformation. God's grace is sufficient- and that grace enables us to take responsibility and act on what we claim to believe. These are some of my most frequent applications:

1. Pray for others more / as much as I pray for myself. I see that as I pray for others I get a new compassion for them and my heart changes from my own problems and I'm able to shift my focus, putting things into perspective. Prayer changes things and only in the past few weeks did I actually realise that it does.

2. Be thankful. Especially on days when nothing seems right, gratitude shows me that there is always something to be thankful for. It's not about comparison and guilt tripping myself into thinking I have things better than others therefore I should be happier and more successful // vice versa. Rather thankfulness should lead to contentment and generosity.

3. Ask how others are doing. When I feel lonely and sad etc. it's natural to go into self-pity mode. One of my applications early on was to ask people how they are whenever I feel sad, because the reality is everyone feels somewhat lonely and is in need of that question. This is practicing that 'selfless love' stuff. Though I'm still definitely learning to ask that question more often because I'm terrible at it (sorry y'all).

4. Forgiveness. There is one verse in 2 Timothy 4:16 that changed my outlook to this. Paul is in prison and about to die, and he says, 'At my first defence no-one came to my support but all deserted me. May it not be counted against them!'. When I read that I really was so challenged, because he had been through the worst stuff yet still extended grace and mercy to his 'friends' who left in his time of need. Forgiveness is a process. A wise woman once told me that 'the willingness to forgive is the hardest and first step'. The Holy Spirit definitely does a lot we cannot fathom to help us on that journey. But one way I have practically been able to forgive people, is to pray for them. This is obviously really hard, especially depending on the depths of hurt, but praying for the person that hurt you will soften your heart towards them, helping you forgive, and things change in prayer. *Science* has shown that forgiveness starts the process of the brain healing's itself. It's terribly hard and I'm still in the process of it atm and fighting it often, but I know this to be truth

I'm sharing those because it's so easy to have the concept of holiness and growth and transformation in our minds but lets be real, no-one really knows what that looks like. The practical step is often the hardest step to take to make a change in our lives. Changing mindsets and hearts doesn't have to be complex, often its the simple changes that can transform a life.




So here are my messy and random thoughts for the day, much reflecting my brain and current mental state. As you can probably tell I could talk about this topic forever but I will end it here. Only a few more books left, ending with Revelation, and then I will be coming home. I'm so thankful for the Lord and his provision to carry me through this school despite the mountains and valleys that have happened. Also, I am getting severe headaches / migraines that make no sense, yet as Paul would say, they are the thorn in my flesh and they are keeping me reliant on God. So if you want you could pray for healing and / or the grace to be patient through them... that would be cool

Now, as Paul would say again,

The Lord be with you

Grace and peace to all of you <3




CSBS class of 2015-2016 with founders Ron and Judy Smith :) 

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Does God really work good for all?



'We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose' Romans 8:28

This verse is used all the time. People quote it. They believe that if a person is in Jesus, then God must work all things for good towards him, because all things that come from Jesus are good things. This is true, but there is more to it. If a person doesn't have the right understanding then this verse can actually cause a lot of damage because what happens when a Christian is sick, suffering and heart broken? Does that reflect a person's faith and relationship with God? God works all things for those who love him, according to his purpose. It is interesting, because in this passage that Paul writes to the Romans, and they all would have gone through immense suffering. The Christians in Rome had just previously been displaced, there was dissension between the people. Paul had gone through trial, suffering and persecution continually. Yet Paul states that God works for good for those who love God. God's purpose for Paul was to reach the Gentiles... and through that process, Paul was pretty beaten up. Does that mean God lost control and wasn't watching over Paul whilst he was going through suffering to preach the gospel? Deffo not. Yet Paul saw something beyond his present life, and he knew that whatever he went through in this life was relative compared to the future hope and goodness that is promised. Looking to other people in the Bible; Jeremiah and Ezekiel both had extremely hard lives without seeing much results from their faithfulness. Moses had to lead a bunch of complaining, ungrateful Israelites through the desert for 40 years. and ultimately Jesus went through all suffering, the most painful kind (though he did rise again ! yay!). Does that mean that God hated those people, or left them because they lived through unceasing pain? nope !!! 
Through SBS one of the most helpful things I have learned is that the time we are living in is still a broken time. People are still selfish. The promise for eternal life is here through Jesus, yet he hasn't come again yet and so we are still stuck here until he comes back / until we die. He has given us the power through the Holy Spirit to have authority, yet it isn't the fullness of what it will be. And therefore we are stuck in a time called the 'age of tension'. That is why some people are healed of sickness and other's aren't. That is why there are tragedies and traumas and sufferings happening. It's not because God has lost control. It's because the world is fallen, ultimately that people are choosing their own selfishness over love for the next person. And so, then that shows that no matter the circumstances, God's love and power isn't defined by them. That has given me so much peace!! That no matter the pain, heart break or confusion, God's love isn't defined by that. He is constant and doesn't change and that's a good thing!! 
Anyways.. I think this verse can be used all the time, to make us feel better. We think that if we are Christians, God must make everything happy and positive in our lives, because it's promised here right?! Well not really. God's purpose often looks different than we think, but also God's goodness looks different to what we think. In this verse we often think that God's goodness means physical and material blessings. Really this statement is something so much deeper. And to see that one must have the understanding that God's goodness is different to our sinful and selfish version of goodness. (And pls don't think I'm trying to say that lives suck and God doesn't want to give good things because that's not what I'm saying. But rather we need to get the right perspective, expectations and understanding of what the Bible is really saying). God's goodness is the eternal love he has for us, it's the sacrifice of himself for our selfishness and it's the resurrection into eternal life he has promised for all people who believe in him. When one really understands that goodness, it changes everything. 
I have had that realisation only recently. I finally understood, and physically felt the weight of my sin. It was horrible. And by sin I mean all of my selfishness, my past failures, my possible future failures. It was to the point of wanting punishment because I knew how much of a wretch I was. I'd hurt people and that was wrong. Learning about how Jesus died and took on that punishment so that we don't have to really did blow me away. It didn't seem fair or right, because he took on what wasn't deserved, and we who did deserve punishment get to be free. It's taken me a while / still is taking me a while to accept and understand it. And that friends is the beauty and wonder of the gospel !!!!! There is literally nothing that can be done to attain it. No works, no meditation, no self-punishment, nothing except faith in Jesus can make one free and make one clean !!!! It's so simple and so pure but also so complex and to continually understand more of the beauty of it is amazing ! 
Needless to say, my conclusion with Romans 8:28 is that God's gifts of goodness, the hope of eternal glory, is what God works together for us. He may call us all to different areas of life, some comfortable, and some not necessarily nice. He may call some people to other nations to be missionaries, or others to be stay at home parents, or others to work at businesses. No occupation is superior to another. Yet in the midst of it, during bad days, don't fear God's abandonment, because you think that this verse means that it must be good since you're in Christ. No; there will be good days and wonderful blessings because God is generous. However, the good that he gives is salvation and eternal life. This really is good ! And if you don't see it as that good or enough then I implore you to ask for revelation to see the beauty of the gospel. It really is life changing! 
Through this understanding, I see that ... 'neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else' (Romans 8:38-39) ... can separate us from the love of God. That neither good days or bad days can separate us. Our circumstances don't define who God is. Life is still hard because this world is still broken, but God didn't fail and he hasn't lost control. Rather, people are still selfish and bitter. Realising this has brought so much peace as I don't have to keep working to attain good things but all good things have already come through Jesus. So yes, God does work for good for all who love Him, who are called according to his purpose. Yet this promise is so much more than this life, so much more than material blessings and having a comfortable and happy life. This promise is pointing towards the future eternal life, and that no matter that the 'purpose' is for each of us, he still offers that 'good' to us in the midst of it. 




Tuesday, April 19, 2016

a little love

----------- Current events ----------


SBS is hard. People call it the School of Biblical Studies but it should be more accurately quoted as the School of Biblical Sobbing 




However it's the moments of light and truth in the midst of the relentless work that keeps me going. Just when I am about to give up because I still have 5 more charts to fit in in an evening, something stirs in me and reminds me why I'm here (sometimes, lets be real).

We have been studying Acts and Luke and it's the best. I've come to the conclusion that all leadership and discipleship courses should come based off of Acts and the gospels. They lived and loved so simply and that's what produced great leaders and also great disciples. They feared God and served one another. They provided for one another's needs when ever they could. They also just hung out and ate meals together (honestly my fave bit). They prayed together, encouraged each other and made sure to keep in contact with all people who they have influenced or help to grow. They were faithful to preach the story of Jesus and through that they saw signs and wonders, not the other way around. They were told to love ALL people, ALL genders, ALL races. 


It's been so cool to read Matthew, Luke and Acts with knowledge of the historical background. Knowing why the emphasis on the resurrection and the Kingdom of God is so necessary (things I had never thought about before). 


In Matthew the biggest thing that hit me was how Jesus would take time away from the crowds to pray, or because he was grieving, and yet when the people came to him he still was compassionate. and my response as an introvert is noooooo ! lol but for real I'm so impressed and amazed at such gentle love. One of the biggest things that I have learned is that no matter the sadness or pain or anxiety or distractions I am facing, there is always room to love a little. Whether it's asking someone how they are, buying a coffee for someone, cleaning up more than I should, etc. Going the extra mile. Especially when I am DONEEE after working all day. It's just one little verse in Matthew 14:13-14 
'When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this the crowds followed him on food from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.'



Jesus' actions are the physical reality of what God would do, and so reading that I realised I have no more excuses ! The reality and evidence of if a person loves God or not is their actions. A heart full of love and understanding of the grace of God will naturally produce actions of love. Through that revelation that I had in Matthew I realised how I have so much to grow in in that department. Definitely a struggle ! But that's ok, God knows humans are flawed and in need of grace which is why the sacrifice of Jesus is so beautiful ! There is no other religion or belief in the world where God himself came down and sacrificed himself for human kind ! Only perfection and a self-sacrifice of free will can overcome the intensity of darkness in the world. Instead of man having to strive and work for God's approval (as so many believe) it's not true ! God did everything! All he asks is for us to come to him, and let him heal us and make us whole. 



Jesus grieved, David had deep depression and anxiety, Jeremiah wished he had never been born, Abraham and Zechariah both had great doubts and unbelief about the promises they'd received.  Realising the people in the Bible were just normal humans gives me much relief. In life there are struggles. But the most important thing isn't to become guilty and anxious about not reading the Bible enough or not attending church or not praying specifically for a certain amount of time. What is important is loving God and loving and serving people. It really is just in the little things and the little acts of service that can make a person's day. (This being said I am a firm believer in getting help for yourself if you are really struggling with tasks and general activities. Love your neighbour as YOURSELF. Love yo' self, and don't be afraid to look after yourself.) Friends had to carry a paralysed man to Jesus because he was unable to carry himself. Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to be carried by others to the feet of Jesus to become whole again. Sometimes we need to carry others. 


___________________________________________________


You know, Lord, How I serve You
With great emotional fervor
in the limelight
you know how eagerly I speak for you 
At the Women's club
You know how I effervesce when I promote
A fellowship group
You know my genuine enthusiasm 
At a Bible study

But how would I react, I wonder,
If you pointed to a basin of water
and asked me to wash the calloused feet
of a bent and wrinkled old woman
day after day
month after month
in a room where nobody saw
and nobody knew


- Ruth Harms Calkin 





Saturday, February 6, 2016

God's anger is kindness



God's anger is kindness. His wrath is mercy. His judgments make him holy.



I know y'all be like...


These are all revelations I've received, they're statements that used to terrify me but after studying the Old Testament, I can say I believe them 100% and I know that it's all done out of love.

People view the God of the old testament (which is stupid because he's the same God now, there's no division between the old and new testament of who he is) as an angry God who hates everyone and wants to kill everyone. wronggggg.

The love of God is so emphasized, which is important because he is completely the definition of selfless love. With that love must come righteous anger, wrath and justice. I always used to think of God's judgments as being mean and I never really understood it. I've come to understand that God is a judge of the whole earth; he created a sense of justice, a sense of what is right and wrong and how to treat others. All humans know (unless you’re a psychopath) that life is valuable and it should be preserved. There's that deep knowing in all people; why else would millions of dollars be invested into technology to keep people alive for longer, if there wasn't a sense of life being valuable? If there is a court case involving a murder, it's normal and natural to want the killer to be judged and receive the consequences and punishment thats deserved.

God is also that just; he sees the pain and hurt in the world, of people killing people, of rape, disease, unjust work laws, trafficking, homelessness etc. He see's it all and it makes him MAD, but it makes him angry because it hurts US. It's not because he wants to dominate and terrorise humans and make them live horrible, boring lives. The intention of the earth was for complete, loving relationships. When Adam and Eve ate from the tree of good and evil, God kicking them out of the garden was a kindness. It was kind because the tree of life was also in the garden, and if they ate from that tree then they would be stuck in their sinful nature forever; at least in death we can go through to be with God in perfection again if we have accepted him in our lives.

God's justice makes him trustworthy, because he sees all evil as equal and he judges for all. That makes me feel safe in him, as I know that He see's all the evil in the world and he will judge it, now and ultimately in the future. As soon as I start to get proud about his judgments though, I realise that I am also a sinful and selfish human and I need his mercy; which is where it ties in so beautifully. God judges the wickedness, but those who go to him because they know there is no hope without a saviour will receive mercy and grace, they will accept the ultimate sacrifice which was Jesus and through that they will be saved for everlasting life with the Father.

God brings judgment himself, but I've realised through reading the Bible that it's our job to daily deliver justice. To help those who are needy, weaker, and poor. To not oppress those who can do nothing for themselves. I often think, 'God why aren't you stopping this injustice?!' but then I realise that God gave humans free will, and he will help but it's really up to us humans to make a change in the planet.

'Be the change you want to see in the world'

So cliche, but I know that that is so true. I can deep down say that God's wrath is kindness; and the way that I've been able to realise that, is understanding that his anger is in the purest form. It isn't selfish and it isn't proud. It is angry for the sake of US, because we are hurting one another. God doesn't give justice for his own pride but he does it for the sake of humanity, for there to be peace and humility. If a judge didn't care about crime then would they even be just? No, and the same with God. Another false concept is that God enjoys punishing humans which is wrong wrong wronggggg. It hurts him so much, it hurts for humans to see the consequences, and be in pain but it's so necessary. Like a parent should discipline their child to help them see right from wrong, so God does the same. I mean I'm not a parent but I'm sure it would bring a parent pain to see their child suffer, even though they know that it's for their best and well-being.

While Israel and Judah was in the land, God gave them prophet after prophet, warning after warning for them to turn back and to accept his forgiveness. But instead they kept perverting justice, they kept worshipping rocks and trees and performed disgusting rituals for other idols and they rejected God. God gave them mercy for hundreds of years, as soon as one person turned back he would lavish blessings upon blessings upon them because that is God's heart. He loves to give!! But people rejected him and followed their own desires which lead to the destruction of the nation. God had to discipline Judah, and through that they went into exile (which means they were taken from Judah to Babylon, another nation in the Middle East where they were taken as slaves, soldiers, and generally displaced).


At the time, the nation was deep in idolatry, sacrificing their own children in fire, there was no social justice, and people worshipped idols made from stone. There was a great divide between the rich and poor, people used their power to become wealthy unjustly, and there was no honour for one another (after all, if money and power was the source to happiness and satisfaction then celebrities would be the happiest people on the planet, yet they still get divorced, have drug problems, have depression, some end their lives. There must be something more and bigger than prosperity to this life). 

God's judgment had to happen because the nation would have ended up ceasing to exist otherwise, because they were so evil! They went into exile but only for 70 years. 70 YEARS!!! That's insane; hundreds of years of wickedness and then only 70 years of punishment. I think that describes God so well, that his anger lasts for a moment but his love and mercy lasts forever!! He is so kind and so just and I entrust my life completely to him!

When it doesn't make sense, I have to remind myself that my version of good and justice is always a selfish version of God's pure and righteous view of it, and that calms my soul as I remember that I am safe in him, safe in his grace, as I'm reminded every day that I cannot do this life alone. 

Jeremiah 7:19 'Is it I whom they provoke? says the Lord. Is it not themselves, to their own hurt?' 

Isaiah 22:4 'Therefore I said: Look away from me, let me weep bitter tears; do not try to comfort me for the destruction of my beloved people.' 

Jeremiah 5:28-29  'they have grown fat and sleek, They know no limits in deeds of wickedness; they do not judge with justice the cause of the orphan, to make it prosper, and they do not defend the rights of the needy. Shall I not punish them for these things says the Lord, and shall I not bring retribution on a nation such as this?'

Jeremiah 31:20 'Is not Ephraim my dear son,
 the child in whom I delight? Though I often speak against him, I still remember him. Therefore my heart yearns for him, I have great compassion for him,” declares the Lord.'

Ezekiel 18:25 'Yet you say, “The way of the Lord is unfair.” Hear now, O house of Israel: Is my way unfair? Is it not your ways that are unfair?'

Apart from learning and thinking about anger, wrath, justice and mercy for 90% of my day, I am doing relatively ok! My day literally consists of working and meal times from 7am - 9pm. I am in the classroom for the majority of the time.




You know you're on SBS when these google searches are normal








Apart from working, I'm doing pretty good! Some days it's really hard and I cry all the time and I have no energy to do anything. I think that's just an aspect of SBS though. I don't have too much time to do anything else other than work and the occasional hike! All my love from the other side! Keep praying for me, this school is really hard!