a little love

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SBS is hard. People call it the School of Biblical Studies but it should be more accurately quoted as the School of Biblical Sobbing 

However it's the moments of light and truth in the midst of the relentless work that keeps me going. Just when I am about to give up because I still have 5 more charts to fit in in an evening, something stirs in me and reminds me why I'm here (sometimes, lets be real).

We have been studying Acts and Luke and it's the best. I've come to the conclusion that all leadership and discipleship courses should come based off of Acts and the gospels. They lived and loved so simply and that's what produced great leaders and also great disciples. They feared God and served one another. They provided for one another's needs when ever they could. They also just hung out and ate meals together (honestly my fave bit). They prayed together, encouraged each other and made sure to keep in contact with all people who they have influenced or help to grow. They were faithful to preach the story of Jesus and through that they saw signs and wonders, not the other way around. They were told to love ALL people, ALL genders, ALL races. 

It's been so cool to read Matthew, Luke and Acts with knowledge of the historical background. Knowing why the emphasis on the resurrection and the Kingdom of God is so necessary (things I had never thought about before). 

In Matthew the biggest thing that hit me was how Jesus would take time away from the crowds to pray, or because he was grieving, and yet when the people came to him he still was compassionate. and my response as an introvert is noooooo ! lol but for real I'm so impressed and amazed at such gentle love. One of the biggest things that I have learned is that no matter the sadness or pain or anxiety or distractions I am facing, there is always room to love a little. Whether it's asking someone how they are, buying a coffee for someone, cleaning up more than I should, etc. Going the extra mile. Especially when I am DONEEE after working all day. It's just one little verse in Matthew 14:13-14 

'When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this the crowds followed him on food from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.'

Jesus' actions are the physical reality of what God would do, and so reading that I realised I have no more excuses ! The reality and evidence of if a person loves God or not is their actions. A heart full of love and understanding of the grace of God will naturally produce actions of love. Through that revelation that I had in Matthew I realised how I have so much to grow in in that department. Definitely a struggle ! But that's ok, God knows humans are flawed and in need of grace which is why the sacrifice of Jesus is so beautiful ! There is no other religion or belief in the world where God himself came down and sacrificed himself for human kind ! Only perfection and a self-sacrifice of free will can overcome the intensity of darkness in the world. Instead of man having to strive and work for God's approval (as so many believe) it's not true ! God did everything! All he asks is for us to come to him, and let him heal us and make us whole. 

Jesus grieved, David had deep depression and anxiety, Jeremiah wished he had never been born, Abraham and Zechariah both had great doubts and unbelief about the promises they'd received.  Realising the people in the Bible were just normal humans gives me much relief. In life there are struggles. But the most important thing isn't to become guilty and anxious about not reading the Bible enough or not attending church or not praying specifically for a certain amount of time. What is important is loving God and loving and serving people. It really is just in the little things and the little acts of service that can make a person's day. (This being said I am a firm believer in getting help for yourself if you are really struggling with tasks and general activities. Love your neighbour as YOURSELF. Love yo' self, and don't be afraid to look after yourself.) Friends had to carry a paralysed man to Jesus because he was unable to carry himself. Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to be carried by others to the feet of Jesus to become whole again. Sometimes we need to carry others. 

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You know, Lord, How I serve You

With great emotional fervor

in the limelight

you know how eagerly I speak for you 

At the Women's club

You know how I effervesce when I promote

A fellowship group

You know my genuine enthusiasm 

At a Bible study

But how would I react, I wonder,

If you pointed to a basin of water

and asked me to wash the calloused feet

of a bent and wrinkled old woman

day after day

month after month

in a room where nobody saw

and nobody knew

- Ruth Harms Calkin 

God's anger is kindness

God's anger is kindness. His wrath is mercy. His judgments make him holy.

I know y'all be like...

These are all revelations I've received, they're statements that used to terrify me but after studying the Old Testament, I can say I believe them 100% and I know that it's all done out of love.

People view the God of the old testament (which is stupid because he's the same God now, there's no division between the old and new testament of who he is) as an angry God who hates everyone and wants to kill everyone. wronggggg.

The love of God is so emphasized, which is important because he is completely the definition of selfless love. With that love must come righteous anger, wrath and justice. I always used to think of God's judgments as being mean and I never really understood it. I've come to understand that God is a judge of the whole earth; he created a sense of justice, a sense of what is right and wrong and how to treat others. All humans know (unless you’re a psychopath) that life is valuable and it should be preserved. There's that deep knowing in all people; why else would millions of dollars be invested into technology to keep people alive for longer, if there wasn't a sense of life being valuable? If there is a court case involving a murder, it's normal and natural to want the killer to be judged and receive the consequences and punishment thats deserved.

God is also that just; he sees the pain and hurt in the world, of people killing people, of rape, disease, unjust work laws, trafficking, homelessness etc. He see's it all and it makes him MAD, but it makes him angry because it hurts US. It's not because he wants to dominate and terrorise humans and make them live horrible, boring lives. The intention of the earth was for complete, loving relationships. When Adam and Eve ate from the tree of good and evil, God kicking them out of the garden was a kindness. It was kind because the tree of life was also in the garden, and if they ate from that tree then they would be stuck in their sinful nature forever; at least in death we can go through to be with God in perfection again if we have accepted him in our lives.

God's justice makes him trustworthy, because he sees all evil as equal and he judges for all. That makes me feel safe in him, as I know that He see's all the evil in the world and he will judge it, now and ultimately in the future. As soon as I start to get proud about his judgments though, I realise that I am also a sinful and selfish human and I need his mercy; which is where it ties in so beautifully. God judges the wickedness, but those who go to him because they know there is no hope without a saviour will receive mercy and grace, they will accept the ultimate sacrifice which was Jesus and through that they will be saved for everlasting life with the Father.

God brings judgment himself, but I've realised through reading the Bible that it's our job to daily deliver justice. To help those who are needy, weaker, and poor. To not oppress those who can do nothing for themselves. I often think, 'God why aren't you stopping this injustice?!' but then I realise that God gave humans free will, and he will help but it's really up to us humans to make a change in the planet.

'Be the change you want to see in the world'

So cliche, but I know that that is so true. I can deep down say that God's wrath is kindness; and the way that I've been able to realise that, is understanding that his anger is in the purest form. It isn't selfish and it isn't proud. It is angry for the sake of US, because we are hurting one another. God doesn't give justice for his own pride but he does it for the sake of humanity, for there to be peace and humility. If a judge didn't care about crime then would they even be just? No, and the same with God. Another false concept is that God enjoys punishing humans which is wrong wrong wronggggg. It hurts him so much, it hurts for humans to see the consequences, and be in pain but it's so necessary. Like a parent should discipline their child to help them see right from wrong, so God does the same. I mean I'm not a parent but I'm sure it would bring a parent pain to see their child suffer, even though they know that it's for their best and well-being.

While Israel and Judah was in the land, God gave them prophet after prophet, warning after warning for them to turn back and to accept his forgiveness. But instead they kept perverting justice, they kept worshipping rocks and trees and performed disgusting rituals for other idols and they rejected God. God gave them mercy for hundreds of years, as soon as one person turned back he would lavish blessings upon blessings upon them because that is God's heart. He loves to give!! But people rejected him and followed their own desires which lead to the destruction of the nation. God had to discipline Judah, and through that they went into exile (which means they were taken from Judah to Babylon, another nation in the Middle East where they were taken as slaves, soldiers, and generally displaced).

At the time, the nation was deep in idolatry, sacrificing their own children in fire, there was no social justice, and people worshipped idols made from stone. There was a great divide between the rich and poor, people used their power to become wealthy unjustly, and there was no honour for one another (after all, if money and power was the source to happiness and satisfaction then celebrities would be the happiest people on the planet, yet they still get divorced, have drug problems, have depression, some end their lives. There must be something more and bigger than prosperity to this life). 

God's judgment had to happen because the nation would have ended up ceasing to exist otherwise, because they were so evil! They went into exile but only for 70 years. 70 YEARS!!! That's insane; hundreds of years of wickedness and then only 70 years of punishment. I think that describes God so well, that his anger lasts for a moment but his love and mercy lasts forever!! He is so kind and so just and I entrust my life completely to him!

When it doesn't make sense, I have to remind myself that my version of good and justice is always a selfish version of God's pure and righteous view of it, and that calms my soul as I remember that I am safe in him, safe in his grace, as I'm reminded every day that I cannot do this life alone. 

Jeremiah 7:19 'Is it I whom they provoke? says the Lord. Is it not themselves, to their own hurt?' 

Isaiah 22:4 'Therefore I said: Look away from me, let me weep bitter tears; do not try to comfort me for the destruction of my beloved people.' 

Jeremiah 5:28-29  'they have grown fat and sleek, They know no limits in deeds of wickedness; they do not judge with justice the cause of the orphan, to make it prosper, and they do not defend the rights of the needy. Shall I not punish them for these things says the Lord, and shall I not bring retribution on a nation such as this?'

Jeremiah 31:20 'Is not Ephraim my dear son, the child in whom I delight? Though I often speak against him, I still remember him. Therefore my heart yearns for him, I have great compassion for him,” declares the Lord.'

Ezekiel 18:25 'Yet you say, “The way of the Lord is unfair.” Hear now, O house of Israel: Is my way unfair? Is it not your ways that are unfair?'

Apart from learning and thinking about anger, wrath, justice and mercy for 90% of my day, I am doing relatively ok! My day literally consists of working and meal times from 7am - 9pm. I am in the classroom for the majority of the time.

You know you're on SBS when these google searches are normal

Apart from working, I'm doing pretty good! Some days it's really hard and I cry all the time and I have no energy to do anything. I think that's just an aspect of SBS though. I don't have too much time to do anything else other than work and the occasional hike! All my love from the other side! Keep praying for me, this school is really hard!